Dyson and Ricky are busy with their own stuff, so I’m going to take over the blog for a while. Those lazy assholes…
Today, I’m going to talk about ball-stretchers… Weird topic, I know.
A few years ago, I went home with a guy and when I took my pants off, he was surprised about something. I was confused. He said that because of the way I had been sitting earlier, he assumed I had small balls and was glad he was wrong. WTF?
Anyway, even though it turned out that my testis weren’t a disappointment, I’ve paid a lot more attention to other people’s. Not that I wasn’t something of a connasour before. Low-hangers are fascinating to me now.
I’ve heard that as we age, our balls stretch. I have a feeling that by the time I’m old enough to have hanging balls, nobody’s going to want to see me naked. So, I took matters into my own hands.
Here are a few of the ones I’ve tried:
First, I bought leather ones. The double width one was my first. I powdered up my nuts and snapped it on. That was the first time I realized weight down there gives me a boner… obviously, I liked it. But, after a few hours, it started to hurt. The leather dug into my skin and hurt when I took it off.
So, I moved on…
My next one was the bullet kind. Since I’ve always been the go big or go home kind of person, I bought the biggest, longest, and heaviest one they sold. It was a HUGE bitch to put on.
I came up with an elaborate, five-minute ritual that involved Saran-wrap, talc, tears, and every curse word at my disposal. Once I got it on, it felt incredible… for about fifteen minutes. It was just too damned much. So I moved on…
I bought this circle one and a smaller version of the bullet weight at the same time. I can’t point to exactly why, but the circle weight wasn’t very comfortable. But the smaller bullet made a light shine down from gay heaven and the Hallelujah chorus to ring through my ball-hugging universe.
I wore it for up to a week at a time with no issues at all. Comfortable as hell and I loved the constant tugging. And, most importantly, I started seeing results. After a couple of months, I went back and bought the mid-size bullet, and it’s comfortable too. I don’t think it would have been if I hadn’t worked up from the small one.
I’ve gone back and bought the one, three, and four banded leather ones. The one doesn’t do much. I sprained my thumb and cried a little putting the three-band weight on… but I did it–for a little while. The four-band is a joke. No fucking way is that ever going to happen.
Advice about my experience with ball-stretchers: aka – shit I wish someone had told me.
- Moisturize your boys… A LOT
- Start off relatively small. A weight won’t do you any good if you can’t keep it on.
- Don’t compress you’re boys when you are wearing one. I’m never a boxers guys, unless I’m wearing one of these, and even then, I prefer commando.
- No tight pants, or even pants that get the least bit snug on the crotch when you sit.
- The skin will be incredibly sensitive. If you wear pants that are rougher than sweatpants, pull a sock or something over your balls for the day to keep them from rubbing.
I’ve gone from caring about stretching to just enjoying the sensation.
If you wear one or end up getting one, tell me what you think of them. And if I missed any tips, let me know. Also, since I just realized this blog was marked as “adult content,” I think I’ll add some…